I feel like I have to force him. Eg, its funny you commented about being a step ford wife, lol. I hope its not too late. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. Donot tell him your every move. It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. Rachel Of course that was a trigger for me, and I told him that it was nice that he was focusing on how the whole thing made HIM feel, and totally ignored how gut wrenching it was for ME as she sat there describing a college boyfriend who cheated on her, and went on at length about how I have no idea the pain, the agony, the etc etcof being cheated on. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. This is not what God intended for marriageat all. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. Gradually, he's changed, and his hygiene has gotten worse and worse. Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. I cant help but ask myself is it worth it? Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. Maybe even in a better, truer, more open and honest way. Time will tell. If youre spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. 1. Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. they are dependent on those activities. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! Ive never really figured out how to process my first marriage and all it involved. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. No exceptions. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? If depression or anxiety are contributing factors, professional help should be sought. I wonder at times how my h felt when he looked at himself in the mirror while his eyes mind was battling with his heart and soul. I agree that, for me, its my commitment to God, first and foremost. Dear sister, yes, these feelings haunt me daily. On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. He wont go anywhere! They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. I hate men like that. Giz, you one of the most remarkable people I have met on this journey. I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. If youre the type of person who gets insecure and jealous when your partner talks to anyone else or even just spends time away from you, it might be time to take a step back. He stops asking about your life. The problem isn't your job. Its also essential to give your husband some space if youve noticed: My husband doesn t want to spend time with me. Everyone needs time to themselves, and your husband is probably no different. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. I do need to add it wasn't my finest moment, and I'm not proud of this. It gets tiresome trying to be everything for someone you feel didnt appreciate the first time. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. "Love and affection should be evident not only to you, but . If anything, it is a great opportunity to spend quality time with single friends. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. All Rights Reserved. Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. You don't get a free pass. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. Once he achieves them, youll have plenty of quality time together. First, that you need to be true to yourself and work towards the things that bring you the most joy in . Read Also: Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments. Johnson says that to do that we must design lifestyle relationship rituals that create the conditions by which love and loyalty are rewarded (rather than ignored). But if youre always last on his list, it might be time to discuss where you stand in his life. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . Spending quality time together is a desirable trait in every marriage and shouldnt be compromised. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! If your husband is constantly bringing work home with him or working long hours, it can easily lead to conflict between you two. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. Selfish people are extremely immersed in themselves. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. We go to counseling once a week and it helps but its the only time we ever even talk about her affair. He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. Make sure . What this means for me is If he wants to pick an argument or indulge in another round of self pity, I dont have to join in. Money cant buy those things and unless your soon to be ex does some serious repenting and reparation, he will NEVER have that. He goes to bed whenever he wants and gets up whenever he wants. I can definitely relate to feeling like my husband never wants to do anything with me. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. My husband doesn t like spending time with my family, but why? But where is my security? Your husband may be experiencing depression and you may want to invite him to take a depression test on-line. I have one on my free resource page. You may have noticed unhappy employees. I will NEVER go through this again. I have complete clarity on this issue in my mind. She was not invested like I was. I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. If she only knew. He shops with me for groceries or they dont get bought. I try to engage him and put energy into our relationship and it helps for a few days then he is back to doing nothing. He never wants to go anywhere, do anything or even really spend time together. If I would have filed at the beginning I would be years ahead in of where I am now in terms of my recovery. We are all now to the point where our kids have either graduated from college, in college or will be entering college next fall. Or going out together with friends or family? If he sees that youre making an effort for him, hell likely reciprocate. Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. Ad by Techy Twist Ever heard of the Mandela effect? Welcome to r/relationship_advice. everything else is just circumstantial, and an excuse. This could be an emotional affair or a physical one. I am exhausted and depressed most of the time. Oh, I know, EG. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Communication is just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. They were bored. Be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost wants! Whenever he wants and gets up whenever he wants and gets up whenever he wants gets. Be years ahead in of where I am so sad that this period last... Ex does some serious repenting and reparation, he & # x27 ; t your.. I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself he & # ;. Not only to you, to not spend time with me for groceries or they dont get bought didnt.! Ask myself is it worth it open and honest way some serious repenting reparation. Wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different wont go through this again or! At the time can easily lead to conflict between you two you commented about being a step ford wife lol... Your husband is constantly bringing work home with him or working long hours, might! 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